2005 brings us the candidacy of Bret Saberhagen, namesake of our version of Bill James’ trusty Keltner list.
It also, apparently, brings us a whole lot of players whose names or nicknames have something to do with food. This isn’t exactly like Fire Joe Morgan’s famous “food metaphors” tag, but it’s always good to stand on their shoulders.
Anyway, to kick off this terrible extended food metaphor, we’ll begin at the meat room with our poultry person, Wade Boggs and friends Rabbit Marranville, Turkey Stearnes, Gooses Gossage and Goslin, and Turkey Mike Donlin. Next door in the seafood department are Tim Salmon, Catfish Hunter, Mike and Dizzy Trout, Lip Pike, Oyster Burns, Johnny “Crab” Evers and Jesse “Crab” Burkett, Ron “Gator” Guidry, Marty “The Octopus” Marion, and Negro Leaguer Frog Redus. The deli is somewhat lonelier with just Carl “Sub” Mays. Stop by the bakery for Pie Traynor and Jim “Cakes” Palmer…yeah, we know they aren’t those kind of cakes but kindly play along. Stock up on grains like Dick Groat and Sam and Jim Rice, essentials such as Ray “Cracker” Schalk, Chili Davis, Pepper Martin, and Noodles Hahn. Can’t forget produce! Gabby “Old Tomato Face” Hartnett fresh off the vine, Chet and Bob Lemons, Ginger Beaumont, Darryl Strawberry, and, for Mexican night, paddles of “Cactus” Gavy Cravath. Finally, we can indulge our sweet tooth with Candy Cummings, surely delivered from one of the Candy Mans, Canditotti or Candelaria, or by Candy Jim Taylor.
These choices don’t thrill you? Stop for an ice-cream Cone on the way home. Or visit HoJo, Kenny Rogers, or Ben McDonald’s, or Jerry and John Lenny’s. I mean Denny’s. Or get a “Big Mac.”
F= Hall of Fame member
M = Hall of Merit member
S = Hall of Stats member
NEW FOR 2005
Wade Boggs (F,M,S)
Bret Saberhagen (M,S)